Sunday, January 07, 2007
men and grey hair...
The Silver Fox? What Women Think About Gray Hair
By Marcy Barack
"The results are in. We asked Match.com users, "Ladies, is silver hair really sexy on guys?" and thousands said: Gray hair is hot—72%Let's admit up front that gray hair on men is distinguished. On women, it's just old. He's a silver fox. She's a crone. Oh, well, that's why there's Clairol.
The only thing better is when they're bald—12%Let me just drop one name: Sean Connery. Or two: Patrick Stewart. Or three: Michael Jordan. Silver's a sign he's passed his prime—16%These gals are certainly entitled to this opinion, but in my book, the real turnoff is the thinning pelt. The long retreat of the hairline above the eyebrows leaves a skinny peninsula marooned over the nose. Then come the desperate attempts at disguise with the dreaded comb-over. At last, nothing remains but the semi-circular fringe above the collar.
Marriage and tuning in to her
'We think this part of the article is important......
Hart notes that in the average office environment, we have to keep our emotions in check, "otherwise we're seen as vulnerable. If we're seen as emotional, we're seen as out of control -- and of course that's the kiss of death." But unless we trade in our emotional distancing for emotional responsiveness when we get home, we will lose that home. The guys who have figured out the secret of modern masculinity will come home and "take off the emotional armor," as he puts it.
Or they won't -- and they'll get divorced. Roughly two out of every three divorces are initiated by women. Sanford Braver, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, surveyed hundreds of divorced men and women for his book Divorced Dads. The top reason women gave for a divorce was "losing a sense of closeness."
Marital researchers are saying lately that emotional closeness is the only thing the contemporary marriage has left. If she doesn't feel connected to you, is there any reason for her to stick around? Most women would say no. Not practically, not morally, not financially. She had better feel close to you. If not, there's the door, and a lawyer is propping it open for her. When she goes, the children will follow.
Ironically, women still start out their marriages thrilled to be Mrs. You. Then comes Junior in a baby carriage, which nobody's ready for. According to a University of Washington study of newlyweds, nearly two-thirds of wives suffer a big decline in marital satisfaction within about 2 years after a baby is born -- despite what you see in the Huggies commercials. After year 10, satisfaction rises again -- but only for men; it takes women 15 years to see a bump in satisfaction.
Men are rather famous for coming on strong before marriage and putting our feet up afterward. Marriage researcher Howard Markman, Ph.D., author of Fighting for Your Marriage, once told me that, after men get married, a sort of "benign neglect" sets in, as they turn their attention to other things. "It's the biggest error men make," he said. "The man just starts taking the relationship for granted. He's assuming it's going to take care of itself." But, clearly, it doesn't.
We've had a nice little chat, sitting out here in your driveway. Now, before you go into the house, tell me: What are you going to do differently?
First off, you're going to take charge of this transition. If you need 20 minutes to decompress, take it. If you need 20 minutes sitting quietly with your wife in the den with a glass of wine and absolutely no children, do that. (My friend Kathy made that a house rule. She's still on her first marriage.) Whatever you need, man, just make it happen. "Nobody has to be a victim," says Marianne Legato, M.D., author of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget. "Eventually, people learn to wait a minute."
Okay, your 20 minutes are up. Let the games begin. Your wife wants a word with you. Sit down. Listen. Let her talk. You don't have to match her level of emotional intensity. "If other things start cropping up -- like all your offenses for the past 15 years -- just stop and say, 'This doesn't help. What is the issue today?' Stop a discussion that is counterproductive," Dr. Legato says. But do it respectfully. And be patient. "Gently guide her to the issues she really wants to talk about. Give her room to calm down."
In short, let her feel close to you.
A recent major study of 5,010 couples found that women are happiest in their marriages when they get their husbands' attention. The single most important factor in her happy marriage is her husband's emotional engagement. What does that mean, exactly? I put that question to Steven L. Nock, Ph.D., a University of Virginia sociologist and the study's coauthor. He says it simply means "men showing interest in the routines of their wives' lives -- the routine, mundane things that men normally don't talk about." Granted, it's not most men's style to do this, an acknowledgment Nock makes personally and professionally.'
Friday, January 05, 2007
Work Life Balance
LONDON (Reuters) - Striking a better balance between work and play, taking more exercise and avoiding disastrous relationships top resolution lists around the world this New Year.
on error resume next
Global research group ACNielsen surveyed consumers in 46 countries and found from the United States to Vietnam that more than half of those interviewed wanted work to play a lesser role in their lives in 2007.
One in three U.S. consumers -- who have the highest rate of obesity in the developed world -- also planned to go on a diet.
"Consumers have realized a healthy lifestyle is not about the latest celebrity diet or trendy exercise fads, but is simply about having a balanced diet and lifestyle," ACNielsen Europe President Patrick Dodd said.
Smoking bans passed in 2006 in countries from Spain to Uruguay looked to be bolstering the global health trend with one in five smokers polled admitting they were aiming to cut down or quit next year.
Exercise was also in the spotlight, with Filippinos, Australians and Singaporeans most committed to being more active.
"In many countries, 2006 was the year that "natural" and "organic" moved into the mainstream and this trend is likely to gain momentum in the year ahead," Dodd said.
The drive to detox also stretched to more intimate parts of people's lives. One in five consumers globally said they wanted 2007 to be the year they avoided "disastrous relationships."